Talking to Your Child About Pregnancy Loss

Dealing with pregnancy loss as an adult is difficult enough, but sharing the news with your child can add to the trauma.

Sharing the initial news of a pregnancy is filled with joy and anticipation, but sometimes life takes unexpected turns. If you’re faced with explaining a pregnancy loss to your child, it can feel overwhelming. Here are some gentle ways to navigate this very difficult conversation:

Honesty with a Hug

• Choose a quiet, calm moment and sit with your child. Begin by acknowledging their excitement about the baby.
• Use age-appropriate language. For younger children, you might say, “Remember when Mummy’s tummy was growing? Sometimes babies don’t get strong enough to stay inside, and they go back to sleep with the angels.”
• For older children, you can be more detailed, explaining about early pregnancy loss or explaining that the baby wouldn’t be healthy enough to live outside the womb.

Reassurance and Validation

• Emphasise that it wasn’t anything your child did or didn’t do. This is important to prevent self-blame.
• Let your child know it’s okay to feel sad, confused, or even angry. Validate their emotions and provide comfort.
• Answer their questions patiently and honestly, but avoid overwhelming them with too much information.
• Remind them you love them deeply and that nothing’s changed about your love for them.

Remember…

• Every child processes information differently. Be prepared for multiple conversations and questions over time.
• Allow your child space to express their emotions, whether through tears, play, or simply quiet reflection.
• Don’t shy away from seeking professional support if you or your child needs help coping with the loss. There are many resources available for grieving families.

What else can you do to support your child through your pregnancy loss?

• Read age-appropriate books about loss and grief together.
• Create a memory box or plant a tree in the baby’s memory.
• Encourage your child to talk about their feelings with other trusted adults, like grandparents or close friends.

Talking about a lost pregnancy can be challenging, but with honesty, reassurance, and love, you can help your child through this difficult time. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Be kind to yourself and your child, and take the time to heal together.

Read more about dealing with miscarriage and loss here.